As I was sitting on Main Street of Bethlehem last evening, having dinner with my eldest, something occurred to me. I had done this exactly ten years ago. Except I was sitting on the other side of the street, at another restaurant. I was getting ready to begin an adventure that would change me for the rest of my life. I know, many people would say that I should not dwell on it. I should move on. In a way I have moved on. In some ways I have not. That experience changed me to who I am today. I am not able to just close a book because I did not like a certain chapter. That chapter changed the whole plot. At that time, I did not know how much I would be affected by the experience. It opened my eyes to something more. I am extremely thankful for that time. It was a hard but rewarding seven years. There are days when I wish that it never ended. There is a part of me that is annoyed that I did not stick it out. Then there is the other part of me that knows that staying would have killed me. Knowing that, means that I truly realised that I needed to take that body of work and move on to something else. There are days when I wonder what is next. I am not sure of that answer.
A blog is born…
When I walked away from the restaurant, I promised myself that I would not consider it a failure. I also promised myself that I would not go back in there. I have not been very good about those promises. I have been back. I will admit that it was good to do that. I needed to do it. I have also considered myself a failure numerous times since I left. After all, we are our own worse critics.
So what did I do? I created this blog to prove to myself that what I did there was good. What I created was right at that time. I did it, to help me feel good about all of the work that I put into it. The whole experience became such a part of mine and my family’s life, I needed to preserve it.
It is kind of ironic. I created this blog to prove to myself that I am not a failure. The one thing that I have been failing at, is this blog. But that needs to change. I have tried numerous attempts to revive this. Blogging challenges, planning out my blog posts until the end of the year, researching how to write and construct a better blog – all of these things bring me back to the same lazy results. I can plan all I want. Unless I do something about it and stay consistent, it will never amount to anything. Ten years from now, I will be still sitting here, bemoaning my lack of initiative. So, maybe I have been closing that book due to fear. Maybe I was afraid not of the next chapter, but afraid because of the fact that it had not been written. Now is the time to write that chapter and the rest of the story.
Everything Begins Again
As you may or may not know, I am a big Doctor Who fan. The following trailer sums up where I am in my life right now. Everything Begins Again – what happened ten years ago needs to begin again. I need to take that passion and love for this food and those experiences and turn it into something more. It needs to become less of a dream and more of a reality. This time I need to do it my way on my own terms.
As I watched this trailer, I realised how my experience at the restaurant has parallels to it. I was never about “winning” or “money”. I think that frustrated some people. They knew that I could not be motivated by money. What motivated me, and still does, is the need to have passion for what I do. I need satisfaction from what I do more than I ever need financial reward.
“I do what I do, because it’s right!”
That is how I cook, when I cook with passion. When I did things at the restaurant, or I do them for the blog, it was and is because it is the way it “should” be done. I do them because there is a history to those methods and those techniques. I have a hard time taking shortcuts so that it can make more money. That is why I no longer cook in a restaurant capacity. Money does not inspire me. Good food, made from heart and soul, inspires me. Sometimes, even now, I have to remind myself that this is what it is all about. In watching this trailer, I could see the similarities, and was reminded that this is what I need to find in this blog.
The restaurant experience ended, seven years ago. I have tried to begin again. But I have not quite made it there. This blog, need to be the catalyst to get me over there to make the dream happen. This blog is the ticket and the passport to all of that. I truly believe it in my heart.
“Everything ends. And it’s always sad. But everything begins again too. And that’s… always happy. Be happy!”
Tomorrow, I am going to travel back in time, so that I can go forward…… I need to go back to a time and place where I can reconnect with the passion that started it all. Tomorrow is about finding happiness and learning to be happy again.