I have never been one to make big notice of my birthday. I have always dodged any acknowledgement of it. It has made me uncomfortable in the past. As I try to grow and become a better person, I figured that I should just start accepting it. It is not that I am scared of ageing. I am more scared of public acknowledgement. It makes me uncomfortable. As I am trying to grow spiritually, emotionally, and socially, I want to overcome this discomfort. This year I decided to allow it to just happen. It is this year that I am looking for a re-birth.
Being a fan of the series Doctor Who, I look at this much like the upcoming process of regeneration. No, I am not looking to change my total look or personality. It is more to do with the idea of growing as a person. It is about moving beyond the things I see as imperfections and overcoming the things I find fault with in myself.
A challenge failed…
Approximately 100 days ago, I pushed myself to blog for a one hundred day challenge. I failed – miserably. I can accept that. No one likes to admit defeat or failure. As I approach my birthday, Friday next, the only thing I can see to do is pick myself up and move on. What am I to gain by sulking over it? What will I learn from berating myself? Birthdays, much like New Years Day or even Ash Wednesday are a time of growing. They are a time to move forward. Therefore, I need to look at this point in my life and think about what changes need to happen. After all, I am human.
It is not as though I do not want to write more, read more, or exercise more. I want desperately to do all of those things. My problem is, I am lazy. I admit it. These are the things that need to be changed in my coming year of life. I thought if I publically presented this challenge, I would feel more accountable for it. Somehow, I did not. I just let it slip away, feeling no responsibility for not living up to the goal that I had set.
So, I am not going to proclaim a new goal at this point. I will, however, plan better. I will force myself to organise better. Trying to plan out my posts ahead of time may prove to be the key to success. This is the best birthday gift that I could give to myself.
I need to map out the changes I need to make in my life. Much like my writing, if I shoot from the hip, I end up with a product that leaves me dissatisfied.
Here is to looking ahead. Here is to finding a better version of myself in the year to come.